


believed-lauv.mp3

by grangeravenclaw



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: ATEEZ - Freeform, Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Character Death, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, How Do I Tag, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sad Ending, but Hongjoong tried to get his love back, seongjoong, seongjoong broke up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:14:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27333256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grangeravenclaw/pseuds/grangeravenclaw
Summary: Our first love is always something we keep wondering about, thinking that, somehow, things could have worked out if you tried just a bit harder. It wasn't different for Seoghwa, he often caught himself thinking about Hongjoong, imagining how things would have turned out if he had followed the boy, but he didn't. Hongjoong regretted leaving his boyfriend behind, so he decided to go back to him. But what if it was too late?
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 12





	believed-lauv.mp3

**Author's Note:**

> pretty please bear with me, english is not even my second language but i am trying my best here, so if you can, leave some comments below to let me know your opinions.
> 
> cw: death , funeral

Our first love is always something we keep wondering about, thinking that, somehow, things could have worked out if you tried just a bit harder. It wasn't different for Seoghwa, he often caught himself thinking about Hongjoong, imagining how things would have turned out if he had followed the boy, moving out of their hometown. But instead of getting into that plane with his boyfriend, Seonghwa stayed and now it was too late to dream about how handsome would Hongjoong look under the Seoul streetlights. Not that it made things easier, but he knew Hongjoong thought of him too.  
Every little thing in that big city made Hongjoong think of his ex-boyfriend, he wanted to show every little thing he had seen to his first love. Every flower, library, park, building; he wanted his Seonghwa to see everything, but he couldn’t. Not when the boy was still at his small town house, working on his family business. The day Hongjoong got on the plane he knew that one day he would go back to get his lover out of there, but he wondered if Seonghwa knew that too. Did Seonghwa wait for him?  
Even though they were miles apart, the two boys couldn’t stop thinking about their relationship. That should have been enough to make them get in touch with the other, to give each other a second chance. But they were too stubborn and proud to reach out first, so they kept hoping, waiting for the day the other shows up again. It took Hongjoong almost two years to gather the courage to go back to his hometown again, to give in to all of his instincts and go after his love. It was a sudden decision, almost like something was pushing him to do it, but he didn’t want to go without giving it a second thought, so he waited until the next day to go.  
As soon as he got out of the plane, Hongjoong could see his older brother waiting for him with a bright smile. He wasn’t expecting to feel like he was back home so instantly, but that’s what he felt while making his way to the place he called home for all his life. It wasn't just familiarity with the place, he felt as he was back to himself. Hongjoong couldn’t stop thinking of the times that Seonghwa had walked around that town in the past two years. Was he still the same cold looking guy, that was, in fact, the sweetest and most caring boy in the whole town? Something made Hongjoong think that he was no longer that Seonghwa, that he would be more openly lovely, not hiding himself anymore.  
That afternoon, Hongjoong aimlessly walked around, looking for who he longed most. Seonghwa wasn’t in the park they used to sit down to enjoy the sun, nor in the library they used to go to study and steal kisses, and not even in the ice cream shop that he loved so much. Hongjoong assumed he could get some information from Seonghwa’s parents, so he made his way to their house, with hope to finally see the blonde boy. Hongjoong was trying to picture Seonghwa with his natural black hair, did he ever dye his hair again? Perhaps a bolder color, like purple? Maybe the red he once said he wanted to try? If Hongjoong had missed the chance of seeing Seonghwa with that type of hair he would not forgive himself.  
As Hongjoong wondered what else he could have missed in the time he was away, he found himself in front of the house he was looking for. The house was silent and dark, which was unusual since Seonghwa’s mom liked to play some classical music all day long. Hongjoong’s heart raced as he started to walk towards the front door, holding back a smile as he ringed the bell. As soon as the door was open, that smile slowly vanished. He could hear soft sobs coming from inside the house, causing some panic in him. The look on Seonghwa’s father’s face confirmed Hongjoong’s thoughts that something was wrong. There wasn't a single word shared for a minute.  
“Oh Hongjoong!” Mrs. Park rushed to the door at the sight of the boy. “I knew you would come. I wasn’t sure if we should call you, but I knew that you would come.” she hugged Hongjoong tight, holding him longer than he expected.  
“Who called you? You got here so quick, how did you get here so fast?” Hongjoong tried to answer what Mr. Park asked, but his mind was racing to understand what he was talking about.  
As he stayed silent, the couple realized that Hongjoong had no clue what the situation was. They silently invited him inside. Hongjoong sat at the light green sofa between Seonghwa’s parents, There was so much tension in the air. Mrs. Park held Hongjoong’s hand as she leaned a bit closer, she looked like she was about to fall apart. Hongjoong felt his body go rigid, he could feel his blood going cold. Something was wrong, really wrong. Was Seonghwa hurt? Was he sick? Hoongjoong didn't think of any of that until that very moment. He didn't think that there was a possibility of things getting in their way of meeting. He was so confident that they would see each other again that he completely ignored the possibilities of the not.  
“Hongjoong, my sweet boy... Something happened to Seonghwa just last night.” the woman took a deep breath and looked away. “I assumed you were here because you knew.”  
“What? I… I'm not sure I understand. I'm here, because I miss him. Because I want him back.”  
“Oh… I’m so sorry.” Hongjoong felt his heart speed up and his eyes started to water. What happened to his Seonghwa?  
A noise came from the other room, making them all turn around. Hongjoong hoped that it was the blonde boy that he loved so much, but it wasn’t. Instead, Seonghwa’s brother walked into the living room, wearing an all black suit. It wasn't an attire Hongjoong has ever seen him wear. He didn't like formal clothing unless it was for necessary occasions. Then it clicked as Hongjoong looked around, seeing Mr. and Mrs. Park also dressed in all black outfits. He won't ever have the chance to meet his Seonghwa again.  
“When?” it was not more than a whisper, but they heard him.  
“Very early this morning.”  
“How?” he felt tears falling down his cheek, but Hongjoong couldn't care less. They understood he had to cry, it wasn't the first time they've seen him cry.  
“A car accident.” it was painful to hear a voice so similar to Seonghwa’s, coming from a body that looked nothing like him.  
Hongjoong felt like he was going to throw up, his breath was stuck in his throat as he started to understand the meaning of all the things he had heard. Seonghwa was gone. Hongjoong was too late, he couldn't ask for a second chance anymore. He felt as if his heart was ripped out of his chest, crushed in the hands of fate and thrown away as if it was nothing. He had never felt that type of pain. It was a pain that choked him to the point that no words could come out and the air he breathed felt artificial, but he needed to know more. He had to know more.  
“Did he- did he suffer? Did he feel pain for long?” He kept thinking it was someone else they were talking about, they must have mistaken his Seonghwa with someone else.  
“No, the police said it was… quick.” Seonghwa’s brother answered softly as Mr. Park’s soft sobs were heard across the living room.  
“I don’t want to overstep.” Hongjoong said as he tried to breathe, but the air was stuck on his throat again. “I should leave you guys, be just family.”  
“You're family. He would want you to be here.” Hongjoong doubted himself for a moment, looking up at the fragile looking woman by his side. “He wanted to see you too, you know.”  
“Mom, don’t.”  
“He should know about this.” her hand was suddenly squeezing Hongjoong’s.  
The burning sensation in Hongjoong’s lungs got worse as he choked on his tears. He gasped for air but it seemed impossible to breathe, it seemed like all the air had evaporated from the Earth. Hongjoong couldn't take it, he rushed to the front door, holding onto the porch to not stumble down to the ground. He could breathe now, but it still burned. The more air he could breathe in, the more desperate his cries became as he held his face, hiding it from the world. The Parks let him have his moment, waiting for him in the living room as they cried themselves. It took Hongjoong about fifteen minutes to recompose himself enough to go back inside. This time he stood in front of the family.  
“Kno-” such a small hiccup almost made him breakdown all over again. “Know what? What should I know?”  
“I think it’s better for you to sit down, my dear.” he complied to Mr. Park, sitting in the armchair next to him. “Last night Seonghwa called to say he needed to see you. He couldn’t wait. So he got into his car and decided to drive all the way to Seoul, even without knowing your address. He said that he felt his heart pulling him , and he had to find you.”  
“He…?” Hongjoong couldn’t finish his phrase, but he hoped someone could understand him.  
“He was going to see you when he lost control and hit a big truck. The other driver got minor injuries, but Seonghwa…”  
The silence was extremely loud in that moment. The clock’s ticking echoed on the big house as no one dared to speak up again. The implication making all of them get dispersed into thoughts.  
“So this means…” Hongjoong’s gaze found a picture of Seonghwa and him during a trip, hanging upon the fireplace. “He’s gone because of me?”  
⭒⭑⭒

Hongjoong hated churches and anything related to them. Most of all, he hated funerals. But he made an effort that day, he wore his best black suit and got there earlier than anyone else. He had cried all he could the night before, so he hoped that he could keep himself composed until the end of the funeral. The small church was filled with people, everyone in town knew and loved Seonghwa. He really did get out of his cold posture and showed his true self to everyone there, and no one on the planet could resist Seonghwa. Not when he looked, sounded and was good. And still, Hongjoong managed to let him slip away.  
The ceremony was long, so long and Hongjoong didn’t dare to look up once, keeping his eyes on his shoes. All along he prayed with his whole being that this was just a nightmare, that he would be able to fix things. He prayed as he never had before. But there was no point in that. It was too late now. And as the ceremony ended Hongjoong felt like he needed a moment alone to say goodbye to the love of his life. He stood up for the first time and walked towards the coffin, ignoring the gasps from the crowd surrounding him. The coffin was closed, so he couldn't see the love of his life. He was thankful that his last image of Seonghwa wouldn't be stained. He touched the wood carefully, leaning closer.  
“I’m sorry I left you.” Hongjoong whispered. “I should have stayed here with you. I should have believed that we could do it.” the priest got closer to Hongjoong, touching his arm as a contained warning. “I will always love you, Park Seonghwa.” And then Hongjoong looked up and walked out of the church. Leaving his heart in that coffin along with the only person he'll ever love in this world.


End file.
